This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
