i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
