i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
