when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
