I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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