I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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