New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I FOUND THE LEGS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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