Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
