I molested 6 butterflies tonight
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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