Walk of Shame. In a state park.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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