Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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