Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
