Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're like the curious george of whores
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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