Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
