i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
