The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
