i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
