I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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