im drinking this country out of the recession.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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