EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
