remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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