So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
