remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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