i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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