I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
