Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
