Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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