I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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