fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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