Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
