What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
