Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
