Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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