why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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