Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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