You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
