We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
