Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
