it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
