why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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