pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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