I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
