Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Welp...herpes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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