I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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