i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
