Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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