My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
