Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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