You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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