i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you bring me the toilet please
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
