i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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