the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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