you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
being pregnant is like rehab
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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