I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
