when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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