3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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