So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
