Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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