you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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