Everything about him screamed your future.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
