sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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