when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
