In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
