put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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