she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
