Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
