Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
