In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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