As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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