What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
