I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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